just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
