whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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