Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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