I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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