This is not my ceiling
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
