I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
