This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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