we have pet lesbian snakes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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