She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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