Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
