Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
