It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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