i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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