you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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