im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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