so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
