Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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