"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
