Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
