the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
