So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
