I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
