so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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