I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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