There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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