It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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