We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
