so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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