So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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