Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
