I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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