Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
