I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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