My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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