she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
