No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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