you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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