Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Panties = found
Randomize
