i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
