In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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