Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
