He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
