my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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