Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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