Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
