my being single is dangerous.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
