The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
