So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The beer is more important than you right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
