my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
