Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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