woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
