addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
