We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
