Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
handjob tips. give me some.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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