Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
