wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
