a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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