Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need to align my fucking chakras
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize