So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
