They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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