she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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