I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
