then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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