eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
