My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
NoShamevember. You game?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
