You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
