dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
