Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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