I wish I could punch you in the face.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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