clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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