i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
