For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
